In his new memoir, " 'Til November: A Journal of Rikers Island", the singer narrated how he almost committed suicide when he was in jail. Excerpts...........
Woke up around 5:00 a.m., made myself some coffee and went straight back to sleep. No lie, I didn't wake back up until 2:30. It was close to lock-in. So I just stayed in my cell until lock-out.
Soon as it was lock-out, I headed straight to the phone. Afterwards, made myself a Ruffles burrito. There wasn't that much going on in the dayroom, so I headed back to my cell to escape in my thoughts.
I ended up thinking about all types of shit. One thing that stood out was how I've never been this close to suicide before. It's truly a new reality for me. I was actually there when this kid that was in mental isolation tried to hang up. What's really fucked up is that it all could've been prevented if the [correctional officers] would've just brought him some water.
Since he was MI, nobody really attends to him because they are used to them banging on their cells all the time yelling shit like, "Yo, CO...CO." And being that they're so used to them banging, they didn't pay him any mind and by the time they got back there, he was trying to kill himself.
And because I was in jail, I was like, Damn, that nigga is crazy ... Oh well, what are we eating tonight? Jail desensitizes a lot of things. The reality in here is so harsh. I will never understand how anyone could think that this shit is cool.
I also thought about how I could've avoided some of the arguments that I had with those dudes who got shipped to wherever they got shipped to. I'm not sure if the rest of their stint got easier or tougher. Hopefully it didn't get any tougher for them, but if it did, I feel like I was the reason for that. And I don't like having that feeling, since I know in my heart that I could've avoided some of those arguments ... especially knowing that this person is going to get shipped away for just arguing with me. I truly do regret having some of those arguments ... but fuck 'em.
I just got back in my cell from being on the phone. My spirit is really feeling lifted right now because I was able to speak with all my kids tonight. They are all my joy.
It's lock-in, so you know what that means ... push-ups, Bible, prayer, slow jams and sleep.